education is a vital component in shaping one`s identity.so choosing whether to send your childern to a foreign school or a public one is an important decision especially in those days as the education is in backwardness status.
the final decision of most parents is to send their children to foreign schools because of the high standards of education there,another reason is their social class which force them to send their children to it,the influently of their foreign language as they use a foreign language in teaching,and the wide use of educational material like book ,audio and cds.
unlike those parents the others prefer send their children to a public schools because of the lower cost of it despite the backwardness but the foreign schools will cost them a lot . also as the foreign schools affect in their children`s arabic languague,history of their country as this schools are operated by foreign authorities who implement their objectives ,and they also taught them the american`s history from their perspective as the student`s cultural identity isn`t yet performed. yet so they are taught western morals and values.
i am with the positive things which the foreign school present to our generation but against their attempt to make them feel unbelonging of their country . the foreign schools teach them that their countr is underdeveloped so they feel that they are culturally inferior.as a result of that the graduates of these schools grow up hating their cultures , traditions and history.so we should reform our public schools to be similar to foreign schools in standard of education.
Your draft is very good.
ReplyDeleteyou should take care of capitalization at the beginning of each paragraph.
but there are some corrections such as:
1. education (capitalize) is a vital component in shaping one`s identity(you have to leave a space at the beginning of each paragraph).
2. so (capitalize and put a comma after so) choosing whether to send your childern to a foreign school or a public one is an important decision especially in those days as the education is in backwardness (use another simple adjective)status
3. the final decision of most parents is to send their children to foreign schools because of the high standards of education there,(finish this sentence with a full stop then start a new sentence)another reason is their social class which force them to send their children to it(foreign schools),
4. unlike those parents (put a comma) the others(some others) prefer send (to send)their children to (a) public schools because of the lower cost of it (compared to forein schools)(despite the backwardness but the foreign schools will cost them a lot, omit this phrase) .
5. also(capitalize) as the foreign schools affect in their children`s
6. i (capitalize)am with the positive things which the foreign school present(s) to our generation but against their attempt to make them feel unbelonging of their country . the foreign schools teach them that their countr is underdeveloped so they feel that they are culturally inferior(s).as a result of that the graduates of these schools grow up hating their cultures , traditions and history.so we should reform our public schools to be similar to foreign schools in (their high) standard of education
Hi LOHLOH.Your draft is wonderful .I like you opinion a lot. Your reasons, evidences and examples are good.Good work Girl
ReplyDeleteyour essay is good and your introduction has a thesis statement which is clear . your opinion is clear with examples . your conclusion is sufficient but you should take care of puncituation
ReplyDeletehello elham very nice draft.your topic is very important .your essay is organized and your opinion is clear.you need to prove your idea with examples and evidences, leave a space at the begining of each paragraph and take care of capitalization and punctuation marks.in your second paragraph,your line is very long so replace the comma(,)with a full stop(.).other parents prefer (to) send their children to public school.that's it lohloh
ReplyDeletehey elham..you talked about a nice topic..your words are clear and simple, you introduced the idea in a good way, your opinion was clear and easy...
ReplyDeletewelldone elham
heeyyyyyyyy homaz wahashteny i like your ideas i really love it as the doctor said you should pay attention to the capitilization bye
ReplyDelete